


Disclosed

by barbaXcarisi (barbaXbenson)



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Established Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, Major Character Injury, but he's fine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-17 03:15:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14179332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barbaXbenson/pseuds/barbaXcarisi
Summary: Olivia didn’t say anything at first, just stared up at the TV, but then she turned to him. “How long?”“I’m sorry?” It had been a long day and he was as tired as she looked and he didn’t have it in him to start a conversation halfway through.“How long have you and my detective been seeing each other?”





	Disclosed

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ReginaCole](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReginaCole/gifts).



> For the absolutely wonderful, BooyahReagan. Happy Birthday, my dear. I hope this brings you a little bit of joy. <3
> 
> Thank you to ships_to_sail for the beta!

Rafael didn’t remember running out of One Hogan Place or flagging down a cab or squawking at the driver to take him Beth Israel, but he must have done all of those things, because the driver pulled up in front of the emergency room with a screech of his tires.

All he could think of was Carmen’s expression when he’d walked into his office, all at once surprised to see him and pitying.

“I didn’t expect you back,” she’d said, jumping up from her seat at the sight of him. “I thought you’d be at the hospital.”

Of course he hadn’t known what she was talking about. Why would he? He’d been in court and Carisi was a detective that he barely managed to tolerate and only because he had to. Rafael would not have been at the top of the list for anyone to notify, especially not when all hell was breaking loose.

He pulled out his wallet, tossing what he hoped was the right combination of bills through the partition before jumping from the car and running inside. He spent five impatient minutes arguing with the person at the front desk and it took him showing his ADA badge and finding a uniform who recognized him before he was allowed back to the private waiting room that was already so full of officers that several spilled out into the hallway.

His heart thudded loudly in his ears as his eyes searched through the sea of navy blue and finally he spotted a familiar face. “LIv!”

Olivia’s eyes widened in surprise when she saw him and widened even further when he nearly sprinted across the room, stopping in front of her. “Barba, what are you—”

“What happened? How is he ? Why didn’t you tell me?” He rattled off, voice shaky.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t think—”

“Clearly you didn’t,” he snapped. “What. Happened.”

“Engel got a drop on him. Luckily he was a bad shot, only hit him in the arm.” Rafael visibly relaxed in front of her.

 _Only the arm. Only the arm. Only the arm,_ his brain repeated over and over, but the word ‘surgery’ brought him back.

“Wait, what? Surgery?”

“Yeah,” Olivia looked at him with concern. “Like I said, to repair some muscle damage. The doctors say it shouldn’t take long, that it’s a pretty simple procedure.”

“Okay.” Rafael nodded, speaking more to himself than Olivia. “Okay, that’s good. He’s going to be okay.”

“Are you?” Olivia asked, putting a hand on his shoulder and looking at him like he was one of the victims she dealt with on a daily basis. “Considering half the time you look like you’re going to be the one to shoot Carisi, I’m surprised you’re here.”

“I’m not completely heartless, Liv.” He tried for his usual snark and deemed that he came close enough. “He’s still a member of the squad. And after Dodds…” he trailed off and they both recalled a time too eerily similar to this one.

“Engel?” he asked, and Olivia frowned.

“In the OR next to Carisi. Rollins got him, but they think he’ll make it too.”

“Good,” Rafael said and meant it. He’d much rather Engel spend his time rotting in prison for attempted murder of a police officer (in addition to the several rape charges he’d be filing) instead of taking the easy way out and dying.

“Lieutenant.” A stern voice commanded from the doorway and they both looked over to find Chief Dodds. Olivia sighed.

“I have to deal with this, but go ahead and go home. I’ll keep you updated if you want.”

He nodded. “Thanks.”

* * *

Despite Olivia’s suggestion, Rafael stayed, sitting in a chair near the corner of the room, trying to check emails on his phone, but really just googling gunshot wounds to the arm and the odds of recovery, still worried despite the odds being decidedly in Sonny’s favor.

As time wore on, more uniformed officers arrived, while others left, hearing that Sonny would be okay and returning to their duties. After dealing with Dodds, Olivia was mostly on her phone, continuing to deal with the fallout of the op gone wrong, while Fin, as ever, was completely calm, chatting with some of the unis.

Rollins, who had finally made it to the hospital after giving her statement to IAB, was doing her best to appear unaffected, eyes fixed on the baseball game on TV, occasionally yelling out insults at what appeared to be her own team. He knew it was all a show.

No one was paying him any attention, not since he’d bombarded Olivia when he’d first arrived. If Rollins and Fin thought it was strange that he was there, they didn’t show it, each only offering him a nod when they’d first seen him.

Maybe he was safe.

But then a loud clamoring came from the hallway, a grating mixture of multiple Staten Island accents, and suddenly the nerves he was feeling were more than just from worrying about Sonny’s well being.

He’d only met Bella before, but he recognized the rest of them from pictures Sonny kept around his apartment. And even if he hadn’t seen photos, the resemblance among them was almost scary. They looked like they stepped out of a catalogue, all fair-haired and skinny.

They spotted Olivia almost immediately, and unfortunately for her she’d just ended her phone call, so therefore had nothing to ward off their descent.

Rafael listened for a moment as they all talked over one another, asking Olivia the same questions that he had asked in almost the same demanding tone, but then he stood, slipping quietly from the room.

He found a dilapidated coffee machine just down the hall and pulled a few bills from his wallet. It creaked and groaned and finally managed to dispense what could only be described as sludge, when a voice sounded behind him.

“Coffee in the cafeteria is a little better.” He turned to find Bella, standing only a few feet away. “Or, if you’re real nice to the nurses, sometimes they’ll let you have some from their break room. Tommy had his appendix out here a few months ago,” she offered by way of explanation when he just stared at her.

“Good to know,” he said, picking up the cup and eyeing it warily before taking a sniff. At least it _smelled_ like coffee. He took a hesitant sip. He’d had worse, but not by much.

“Told ya,” Bella said in response to his grimace. They were quiet a moment, Rafael taking another sip just to have something to do, and immediately regretting it. “He’ll be alright,” she told him with certainty.

“That’s what they say.” He tried to keep his tone light, but apparently failed.

“You love him a lot, don’t you?”

Rafael looked up at her, wide-eyed, not sure what to say. A vehement denial could raise suspicions, but admitting to something could be worse if she was just fishing and didn’t know for certain.

“It’s okay. I’m the only one who knows. Sonny can’t keep anything from me,” Bella said with a wistful smile, as if she was thinking of all the times her brother had caved and spilled his secrets to her.

“He told you?” Rafael asked quietly.

“I mean, I saw it when you were workin’ Tommy’s case, ya know? Bugged him about it for weeks. Turned out he thought it was one sided, but then you finally came around. Took ya long enough.”

Rafael smiled. It had taken them—him—more than a year after Tommy’s case to finally give into what had been there all along. He regretted it, all the time wasted, but at least they’d gotten there.   

“I appreciate you not saying anything. At work it’s complicated and with your family it’s…”

“Really fucking complicated,” she filled in for him and he snorted.

“You said it, not me.” Finally giving up on any hope of being able to slog through the rest of the coffee, he tossed the cup into a nearby trash can.

Bella shrugged a shoulder. “The truth’s the truth.”

“Bella!” An accent that made Sonny’s sound posh screeched down the hallway and Rafael saw that it belonged to Gina. “He’s out of surgery. They said we can see him soon.”

Bella looked from her sister to Rafael, her eyes questioning.

“You better go,” he said. “Make sure he’s okay for me.”

* * *

He found better coffee—it was still bad, but anything was better than the abomination he’d gotten from the machine upstairs—in the cafeteria, just as Bella had told him he would, while the Carisi family visited with Sonny.

It was going on late evening now and the cafeteria only held a scattering of doctors and nurses, and a couple of weary looking family members. As he found a seat at a table for two near the window, he wondered what had brought them here, what terrible tragedy had befallen a loved one that made them have to suffer through hospital food and bad coffee.

He didn’t pray anymore, hadn’t in really long time, but he hoped that that these people received the same good news that he had.

He tried not to think about how things that day could have easily gone the other way. That morning, when Sonny had slipped quietly from Rafael’s bed before the sun had even risen, kissing him quickly on the cheek before going to work, could have been it, the last time he ever saw him.

But it wasn’t, Rafael reminded himself. Sonny would claim it was an act of God, a higher power looking out for him, the medal of Saint Michael he wore around his neck keeping him safe. Rafael attributed it to pure dumb luck, a stupid perp with bad aim. He’d take all the dumb luck he could get.

He checked his email again, just for something to do, and he responded to a text from Carmen, inquiring as to how he was doing. She was the only one who knew—well, besides Bella apparently—and she’d not only kept their secret, but had seemed to be thrilled for the both of them. Rafael had told her on more than one occasion to wipe the grin off her face when she told him that Detective Carisi was there to see him. A move that made him a hypocrite since he couldn’t seem to remove his own smile whenever Sonny walked into his office.

He replied that Sonny was going to be okay, not answering her question of how he was doing—a question he couldn’t really answer at the moment—and pocketed his phone. He finished off his coffee and returned to the line to purchase another to take back upstairs with him.

He was waiting for the elevator to go back upstairs when it dinged open, revealing the entire Carisi clan. Rafael stepped to the side, allowing them to disembark before trying to slip by them onto the car. He wasn’t so lucky.

“Ma, this is Mr. Barba. He works with Sonny,” Bella said and he froze.

“Oh! He talks about you a lot,” the oldest blonde woman of the bunch said.

“I thought you’d be younger,” Gina said, running her eyes up the length of him. He tried to remain steady under her gaze. His suit was wrinkled from sitting in the waiting room and he was suddenly very conscious of the streaks of gray in his hair.

“Gina,” Theresa hissed. “Try to have some class.”

“What?” Gina looked at her older sister. “Sonny talks like he’s some young hotshot or whatever and he’s just—”

“Come on, Dom,” Sonny’s mother interrupted, taking her husband by the arm. “I’m going to need coffee if I’m going to put up with them. It was nice to meet you Mr. Barba.”

“Likewise,” Rafael said, more out of habit than anything.

Gina and Theresa followed their parents into the cafeteria, but Bella hung back. “Lieutenant Benson, Amanda, and Detective Tutuola are in with him now. We couldn’t all fit,” she said with a smile. “So we decided to give them a minute. Room 407.You should join them.”

She disappeared into the cafeteria before he could answer and he hit the call button for the elevator again.

Rafael didn’t go to Sonny’s room. He didn’t trust himself to keep it together in front of the squad, so he returned to the waiting room. The room was empty, still reserved for the NYPD, but the officers had cleared out upon hearing that Sonny was awake and doing well.

He was sipping his coffee and reading the subtitles to a muted CNN broadcast on the TV that hung in the corner, when Olivia poked her head in. Spotting him, she made her way over and dropped heavily into the chair next to him.

She looked tired and he could only imagine today from her side of things.

Olivia didn’t say anything at first, just stared up at the TV, but then she turned to him. “How long?”

“I’m sorry?” It had been a long day and he was as tired as she looked and he didn’t have it in him to start a conversation halfway through.

“How long have you and my detective been seeing each other?”

“Oh.” Rafael looked at the linoleum floor. He knew better than to deny it. The colleague who barely tolerated Carisi and shot him down at every turn wouldn’t have run into the hospital like a lunatic, and certainly wouldn’t have waited around for hours after it was determined that the detective would be fine. Olivia wasn’t stupid. “Um, almost a year?”

“Wow,” her eyebrows went up in surprise. She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it again. Rafael had never seen her speechless. He felt a perverse sense of accomplishment.

“It kind of just happened,” he explained even though she didn’t ask. “And at first it was just…” he paused, not sure explaining to Sonny’s boss that in the beginning it had only been sex was a good idea. “But then—Well, now he means a lot to me.”

He loved Sonny. Even months after he’d admitted it to himself, months after he’d told Sonny for the first time and had told him every day since, he still found it surprising. He’d never planned on loving anyone, much less a gangly detective with a bad accent and a penchant for talking too much, but here he was.

“I can’t believe I didn’t see it,” Olivia shook her head. “Maybe I don’t get out into the field enough these days. I’m getting rusty.”

“We’re careful,” Rafael said, letting her off the hook.

“Clearly. You both have better poker faces than I thought.” She nudged his shoulder, but after a moment her smile faded.  “You know, at work, eventually you’ll have to—”

“I know.”

Olivia sighed, placing a hand on his knee. “That’s to figure out another time. Go see him. Rollins and Fin went home, and I’ll go downstairs and stall the Carisis awhile longer. You’ll be alone.”

He suddenly felt enormous gratitude for his friend. “Thanks, Liv.”

Nerves formed a rock in his stomach as he made his way down the hall toward Sonny’s room. It had only been a little over twelve hours since he’d seen him, but it felt like a lifetime had passed.

The door to his room was open and Rafael took a deep breath before stepping over the threshold. Sonny was sitting up in bed watching TV, and, aside from the sling holding his left shoulder in place and the IV inserted in his right hand, he looked just the same as always.

The relief that flooded through him was instant, and when Sonny looked over at him, beaming as soon as saw it was Rafael who had entered his room, everything was right with the world. 

“You came,” Sonny said in pleased surprise.

“Of course I did,” Rafael moved into the room now, stopping next to the bed and taking Sonny’s hand in his. “As soon as I heard. I just had to wait until…”

Sonny nodded, understanding.

“How are you feeling?”

“Not too bad,” Sonny glanced at his shoulder. “They’ve got me on some pretty good drugs though. Will probably hurt like a bitch tomorrow.”

Something about standing here, talking with Sonny like it was any other day had Rafael suddenly feeling like he would cry. He could only assume it was the stress and exhaustion of the day catching up with him. “I met your family.”

“Yeah?” The meds he was on kept Sonny amused rather than worried, as he should have been.

“They’re loud,” Rafael commented and Sonny laughed.

“That’s on our family crest. Just a picture of some cannoli and the word ‘loud’ emblazoned across it, but in Italian.”

“And that word would be…” Rafael prompted.

Sonny shrugged. “I dunno.”

Rafael chuckled. “That’s what I thought.” But then he sighed, the smile falling away. He brushed Sonny’s hair back from his forehead, a gesture he’d performed so many times over the last months that it had become second nature, his hand reaching out to do it without his mind even sending the instruction.  “I’m glad you’re okay.”

“After all I went through to get you to realize your feelings for me? You’re not getting rid of me that easy.” Sonny grinned.

Rafael knew Sonny expected him to allow him to lighten the mood again, to laugh along with him, but instead he leaned down, kissing Sonny’s cheek, whispering close to his ear. “I love you. I don’t want to get rid of you, ever.”

Sonny sighed happily as Rafael pulled back, but still remained leaned in close. “Good, cause I want to keep you around too.”

“That might not be true in a minute.” Rafael looked genuinely contrite and that made Sonny nervous.

“What’d you do?”

“Olivia knows about us,” he said in a rush.

“What? Raf, we—”

“I know, I know,” Rafael groaned. “But was I not supposed to come? Was I supposed to be calm and collected over you being shot? I couldn’t help it.” He’d honestly done the best job he could, but he was only human.

Sonny softened then, only able to imagine the wreck he’d be if the situation was reversed. “Just kiss me and I’ll forgive you.”

“Ugh, what a price to pay,” Rafael said sarcastically before dipping his head down and kissing Sonny softly.

There was a small ruckus in the hallway, the now familiar chatter of nearly half a dozen Carisis, and Rafael quickly stood upright, dropping Sonny’s hand and stepping back from the bed a little.

“Mr. Barba,” Mrs. Carisi said in surprise when she saw Rafael. “You’re still here.”

“Yes, well, Detective Carisi is just so popular, I had to wait my turn,” he said lightly. “But I’ll leave you all to it. Take your time recovering, Detective. We’ll all enjoy the peace and quiet.”

“My mouth still works just fine, Counselor,” Sonny snarked back and Rafael hoped he was the only one who caught the double meaning in his words. He wasn’t, he learned when he caught Bella smirking at him.

He decided the best course of action was to ignore the comment. “I hope you all have a good evening. I’m glad you’re okay, Detective,” he couldn’t help adding genuinely before slipping from the room.

“All of your coworkers are so nice,” Rafael heard Sonny’s mother say immediately after he was out of sight. “That one doesn’t seem anywhere near as grumpy as you make him out to be. I know you say he doesn’t like you, but I don’t think that’s true.”

Rafael smiled to himself. If only she knew how right she was.


End file.
